Lost

Sometimes I wonder about what makes me people, human----perhaps me. So vulnerable.

Vulnerable to temptation.

Vulnerable to fear.

Vulnerable to the world around us.

I am so vulnerable that I started making a social connection. As if trying to find a pack. Trying to find a place where I'll become less vulnerable. When im started to feel comfortable, its hard for me to let go. Its hard for me to find another connection or place that protect me from all the vulnerability, because its hurt, to come out from your safe zone.

So I started making a barrier. A defense mechanism, a protective field. So I will stay comfortable forever. I never knew that the defense mechanism I set up will someday hurt the very things that I try to protect. Myself.

Its hard for me to come to a realization that everything will gone eventually. Nothing last forever. But, people, us, I am, don't even give a damn about all those things. I forget, I avoid, I turn a blind eye to what is right in front of me.

The truth is, its hard to face the truth. When I realize that everything is gone. I started to regret. I started to look for the one who needs to be blamed. I started to look for reasoning behind the lost. The truth is, I was warned. But I just don't care. I thought that eveyrthing will last forever.

In the end, no matter how safe I am, no matter how comfortable i've become. One day I will have to come out and embrace the vulnerability once again. Searching once again, and hope to find another place that will shelter me from all the vulnerability. Its a neverending cycle. I just have to accept it.

I just lost something I didn't even know im losing. LOL.